I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
