You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
