Well apparently he's into motor boating.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
