I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
