I got chris browned last night
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
