I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
