CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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