he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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