I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
