please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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