I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
