; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
