So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
