What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
