On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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