hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
