Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
