I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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