so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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