I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
