The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Randomize
