I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
