If i come over, it means nothing
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize