"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
