This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
