Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
