I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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