dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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