totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
