His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
