i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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