how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
should my penis look like a turkey
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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