My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
