I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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