We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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