she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
