i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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