fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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