he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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