i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
