I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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