She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
