I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
