Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
