wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
