it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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