all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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