just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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