i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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