Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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