the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
