So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
