He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize