Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
