Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
