He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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