Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
