Can i not drive my cunt home
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
