So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We need to rekindle our bromance
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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