she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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