I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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