Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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