I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
