i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You're a waste of cheezeits
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
