this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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