I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize