What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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