I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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