walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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