It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
