Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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