Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
