my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I cut my penus on the lid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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