I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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