the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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