I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
