you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
