tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
