I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Every concussion has its silver lining
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
