i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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