I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
