i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
