My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
