Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
