shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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