Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize