Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
