i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
