guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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