The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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