remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
