When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
