do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
