my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
