I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
