I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
