Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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