You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
