You made me cry and you don't even care
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
